Pithy Postmodern Soapbox – cooler than smoking.
Yooooooooooooo!!!! Ahem.
Welcome to Pithy Postmodern Soapbox, the embarrassing uncle of Pithy Postmodern Writing. Let’s begin this exciting new era with a look back at some of the best bits of the schizophrenic beast that was Pithy Postmodern Title:
February 2011
‘Are you sitting comfortably? No? Well of course you’re not – I’ve strapped you down and inserted an unnecessarily bulbous probe into your startled rectum. All in the name of science. In any case, we’ll begin with the informative section.’
January 2011
‘The class divide in Britain is alive and well, but it’s no longer based on wealth, status or breeding. The two-tier class system of today is based on education, empathy, social-awareness and civility. A stark divide exists between those who possess all of these faculties, and those who possess none of them. You can see it in some people’s eyes – two dispiriting windows into a mind devoid of all thought and emotion, save for a burning sense of crass, hedonistic entitlement.’
December 2010
‘I recently discovered that ‘Buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo’ is a grammatically correct sentence. Don’t believe me? Look at this.
By this reasoning, we can be fairly confident that ‘Pyramid pyramid Pyramid pyramid pyramid pyramid Pyramid pyramid’ is also grammatically correct. Probably. Despite the fact that I do not fully understand the reasoning behind the ‘buffalo’ sentence, I feel no need to research this further.’
November 2010
Poem In Which a Person Responsible for Illegal Violence at Sea Suffers from Urinary and Faecal Incontinence Caused by Pathogenic Bacteria Present In Undercooked Meat, and Written On the False Premise that Ovine Ungulates Enunciate the Call of Bovine Ungulates, Where In Fact They Demonstrably Do Not
Poor Pirate Percy,
piddle-puddle poo,
mostly meaty mutton,
middle-muddle moo!
October 2010
‘Essentially, if we were to stop allowing ourselves to be part of each others' pyramids, we could stop piling pressure and misery on each other, and start fulfilling our dreams. If everyone could somehow be their own pyramid of one, perhaps we could all be Da Vincis, Michaelangelos and Shakespeares. If we stopped trying to do things together, maybe we could actually achieve something great.
Be the pyramid.’
Expect more of this sort of thing. If you relax your eyes, hold the monitor up to your nose, then move it slowly away from your face, everything will eventually make sense.
Do you have any ideas for the sort of thing you’d like to see on the Soapbox? Would you like to write a ‘guest rant’? Comment below, or e-mail pithytitle@live.co.uk
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